how did i spend my 27th bday? well, it’s rather lame, actually.. tetiba je macam takde mood untuk bercerita. mungkin pasal there’s nothing much that i did yg totally warranted mention……
to be honest, my bday was celebrated much in Bridget Jones’ style.. except of course, i don’t have a besotted Mr Darcy in the offing. oh, well, does that really matter much? 
i’m grateful that i’m still alive. even though i had the tendencies of living precariously these days, i was given the opportunity to live a little bit longer..
as i said, i’m reliving Miss Jones’ condition these days. self-loathing, imperfect body stature and melancholic, stuck at a job that she doesn’t really like. been pining for a while.. em, not going to dwell on that either.
instead, i’ll reintroduce you to Bridget Jones Diary once again.. here’s the wiki synopsis:
Bridget Jones is frustrated; she is thirty-something, still single, and worried about her weight. She works at a book publishing company in
London
where her main focus is fantasizing about her boss Daniel Cleaver. On New Year’s Day, she finally decides to turn it all around and starts her own diary, which covers all her attempts to stop smoking, lose weight, and catch her Mr. Right. Lawyer Mark Darcy, Bridget’s mother’s favourite choice for a future husband, does not appeal to Bridget at all. After seeing him at a Christmas party at her parents’ house, she finds Mark to be annoying and arrogant.
Bridget and Daniel begin to flirt heavily at work and eventually start dating, despite the fact that he is a notorious womanizer with a questionable personality. Bridget learns from Daniel that he and Mark have a history and as a result, hate each other dearly. Daniel informs Bridget of their fallout, telling her that Mark broke their friendship by sleeping with his fiancee.
After Daniel’s dubious character becomes clearer and clearer to Bridget, she breaks off their relationship when she catches him with another woman, a colleague of his from work in
New York
. In the meantime, she gets to know Mark and finds him to be a sincere man whom she enjoys spending time with. Just as Bridget and Mark’s mutual attraction for each other comes together at a birthday dinner party hosted by Bridget, Daniel comes back into the picture claiming Bridget’s attention. Mark originally leaves the party, but comes back to face Daniel. Mark punches Daniel and the two fight, resulting in Daniel passing out. Bridget, still thinking that Daniel had been the wronged one, chastises Mark. Afterward, she tells Daniel that she doesn’t want to be with him.
Bridget eventually learns the truth about Mark and Daniel’s fallout, in which Daniel had seduced Mark’s ex-wife when they were still married. At a dinner party the same day, Bridget confesses her feelings for Mark, only to find out that he is engaged to his colleague.
Bridget is further disheartened once Mark’s parents announce at the party that Mark is going to New York. Just as Bridget starts to embark on a trip to
Paris
with her friends to mend her broken heart, Mark returns to stay with Bridget.
As they’re about to sleep together, Bridget exits to her bedroom to change her undergarments. While Bridget is changing, Mark spies her diary, in which she has written many insults about him. Bridget returns to find that he has left. Realizing that he had read her diary and that she might potentially lose him again, Bridget runs outside after him in a thin coat and her undergarments. Unable to find him and disheartened she is about to return home when Mark appears holding a new diary.
It becomes apparent that the new diary was to be a gift from Mark to replace Bridget’s current diary which she has filled up. They kiss in the snow-covered streets and the movie concludes.
in some ways or the other, i couldn’t help noticing the similarities. the attitude of being able to laugh at oneself, of being nonsensical and absent minded..
the fact that renee managed to slim down to get her helluva silhoutte after finishing filming this movie is also meant to be as an inspiration. if only i have a more tenacious motivation, kan?
i mean, if my bf ask me to tone my body down, i’d simply felt that he cares more about my appearance rather than myself, or that he wouldn’t care much once i got old and wrinkly. on the other thought, if he doesn’t care whether i put on piles of disgusting lard, i’d simply felt that he put such a low standard of myself or that he just doesn’t care. in either way, he will lose.
i’ve done my share of people watching and i observed that there are so many lucky girls out there who simply can tuck in anything and still manage to have a slim prim rack of bones. and as i turned the other way, i saw many girls that are happy and unself-conscious of their monstrous body size and sightly bulges. no. i don’t mean any disrespect to any of them. i mean, they have the courage to embrace their body image and live life as it is.
as for me.. well, i know that i’m not over to the obese line yet. but i’m no slimmer, either. all my beautiful lingerie and work clothes dah tak sopan untuk dipakai.. even my favourite chocolate-y skirt pun dah tak dapat cover the flaw <- to me la.
susah kan? i set too high the target for myself. cuma bila datang rasa malas, ada timbul satu suara jahat yang berbisik, i’m still a size smaller compared to others who are not so fortunate. pelik kan? keinginan dan expectation diri terlalu tinggi tapi bila melaksanakan, tak istiqamah dan mudah mengaku kalah.
tu yang jadi frust kan?
anyway, i’ll narrate to you of my activities yesterday..
i woke up quite early in the morning. prepared a mixed up English breakfast. didn’t have the appetite and trash half of it instead.
next, i watch a few movies on ASTRO. some of it good but i can’t recall much of what i’ve watched. and yes, jerry McGuire was included in the list. somehow i can’t escape the "you complete me" - "you had me at hello" part. mushy me, heh!
then i played pc games all afternoon whilst drinking a jugful of cool ribena. by 5 something, primmed myself up to an acceptable appearance and went out.
mulanya ingat nk tgk movie, but the papers were out of stock, i really didn’t even have the faintest idea on what and where to watch. so, just brave on to the kl-putrajaya highway. as i drove along, thinking of stopping at klcc, terus terbabas ke klia route. tergelak sendiri jadinya, but thinking that the day was my birthday, i could treat myself to a change of routine, layyannn je la..
proceeded to USJ exit and then to Sunway Pyramid. sampai di sana, terasa rindu sama Abang, and terfikir-fikir that of all people, he’s the only one person i wanted to spend my birthday with. sent him a short sms, but with brimful of wistful hope. only to find out that he’s tired, and couldn’t make it. tetiba je rasa hampa. kosong.
cuba pujuk diri sendiri, that it’s ok and that it didn’t matter much- cuma rasa sayu tu jadi bertambah.. takpelah.. singgah wendy’s for the first time, nothing special there except that they have the baked potato delicacies. ok la rasa dia, rasa full sampai ke malam.
afterwards, singgah bersimpuh di popular book stores. terjumpa a couple of gems from Karen Kendall that is worth less than RM20 for 2. happy!
then, menyinggah di kedai kasut. and i bought 2 delightful ballet shoes, one black and the other playful gold. rasa macam princess plak bila pakai kasut gold tu ke opis pagi ni
as i promised myself of domino pizza on my bday since the last 2 months, i went and bought 2 large pizzas for home.
sampai home no.7, it’s almost 10.15.. refreshened up, settled down for the comfy cushions with the whimsical book, i sms-ed Abang, summarising the day in a simple theme - it’s a bridget jones-y birthday- in truth, i was disappointed that we couldn’t share my birthday together, i can’t deny that. but i think there’s always a greater good lurking somewhere for me at the end of the day.
so there. i’m not totally unhappy. besides, i don’t shed even a tear this year.. cuma terfikir tentang umur yang dah suntuk.
thanks to ayin, mjah’s family (i think it was Ley-ah who sms-ed me), minkus and mah. not forgotten, Abang, echah, kak k’lyn and the rest who cares enough to sms me..
life’s like a box of chocolate, i’ll be relishing every flavour that i shall get.
thanks to Allah, the ever Merciful~
tu belum lagi bila Mak dah tua rete and me with my own family, kan? cuma terkadang, rasa tersiksa jiwa raga bila mak degil-degil berkeras sebegitu… there, i took the chance to walk around to the kedai Kamal where i used to hunt for sundries and newspaper back in year 1999-2000. terasa nostalgik sekejap bila jalan2 kat situ. all the old buildings across the road had been replaced by Jaya ONE. they even have Nando’s and kopitiam there, can you imagine that? anyhow, put settled down nicely and we took a few pix there.
